Hax: Wife's venting to Mom a problem

  • Article by: CAROLYN HAX
  • Updated: October 13, 2013 - 2:28 PM

Dear Carolyn: My wife of three years feels the need to, in her words, “vent” to her mother whenever she and I have problems. This venting is usually bad-mouthing me, and isn’t always truthful, or the complete truth. It has made it near impossible for me to have a relationship with her mother, who is convinced I am a controlling jerk.

  • 3
  • Comments

  • Results per page:
  • 1 - 3 of 3
mngirl99Oct. 14, 13 6:02 AM

Very early on I learned from my friend's bad marriage, that sharing your marital woes with a family member, especially your mother, is a recipe for a failed marriage. Once you bad mouth your spouse, you have changed their relationship with your family member. As a couple, you might resolve the difference, but in the mind of the family member, these incidences build up and cause irrevocable harm. They are usually not party to the resolution. What happens within a marriage should be resolved between the couple. If you need outside help, get a therapist.

16
0
croatian1Oct. 14, 13 2:52 PM

Or you have a Mom like mine. The one time, notice the word ONE; that I called her to complain about something my hubby had done she took his side!! We lived 3 hours away and I asked if I could come home for a couple days. She said sure, but why more than can just the usual weekend days. I told her he was being mean and nothing I was doing was right according to him. He works construction and it was in the middle of a heatwave and he was working long hours. My Mom said: Oh sweetie he is working such long hours in this heat, you have to understand where he is exhausted! First and last time I called for any sympathy!! My Mom passed away 24 years ago, and hubby still tells people that story!

6
0
loop80Oct. 14, 13 4:50 PM

I can top this. My then-wife vented to her family, with nothing but lies, misinterpretations and partial facts. Because of their family arrogance, then never questioned anything. They don't stand for blemishes on their family reputation. But she also ran to MY sisters, doing the same. This completely cost me my relationship with those sisters. Because I'm their little brother and don't agree with their ultra-conservative religious beliefs, they have kept believing the lies she told them. I will never be allowed to be a part of my own extended family, all because of her lies. Oh, and did I mention, she was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, PMDD and SADD? Luckily, all of "our" friends have supported me and cut her off. This allowed me to retain full custody of our child and carry on our lives with at least their support, as my family cut communications and support with me and we choose to have no contact with my ex's family. As the custody study stated, my child's life is much more stable and peaceful without her presence. And I did attempt marriage counseling before divorcing. At first, this pleased her, until therapy forced her to admit the reality of her lies. The therapist asked what our goals for counseling were. She said, "I want someone to tell me if I'm right or if he's right". After a few sessions, he evaluated us as having a parent/child relationship (me being the parent). This is what I'd been saying for years, which she hated. She got upset and that was the last session she attended.

2
0
  • 1 - 3 of 3

Comment on this story   |  

ADVERTISEMENT

Connect with twitterConnect with facebookConnect with Google+Connect with PinterestConnect with PinterestConnect with RssfeedConnect with email newsletters

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT