Ask Amy: Should he stay with cheating wife for the kids?

  • Article by: AMY DICKINSON
  • Updated: May 24, 2013 - 2:10 PM

Dear Amy: After 20 years of marriage and four beautiful kids (the oldest is 14), I found out that my stay-at-home wife has been having an emotional and physical affair with a recently divorced man who is a friend of the family. They were seeing each other even when he was living with his wife, and it has been going on for nearly two years.

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klmoonMay. 27, 13 8:42 PM

If she has no intention of leaving her lover and recommitting herself to her family and marriage, it's time to separate. Otherwise you will be miserable and that's not a healthy environment for the kids.

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JMarvinMay. 29, 13 7:57 AM

Why ever would hyphenating a name "singe one's britches?" A name is just a name. What was going on with the LW is a difference of values and opinions, for which her answer was to engage in a power struggle. There is no "right" name. This is merely the first of many tests of one's negotiating skills that will occur during the marriage. It is hyperbole and way overreacting to think that changing her last name when she gets married will "destroy her individuality." I would suggest that if LW's sense of self is so fragile, she might want to rethink getting married at all. Marriage is not for sissies, and encouraging her to engage in "right fighting" for something as inconsequential as a name at the outset is the kiss of doom. Like my son, married 20 years, said "staying married a long time is a function of how much stuff you can get over." Amen.

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jlshMay. 29, 13 8:02 AM

It's no surprise your wife doesn't want a divorce. She's got you providing for the family financially and she still has her boyfriend. If you were to divorce her she would have to get an outside job and that would cut down on her playing footsy time. Send her packing, she threw the family under the bus by putting her own desires above all of you. You know what it feels like to live in a family whose parents are divorced. It'll be easier to buffer your children's hurt because you lived it. Show your children that it is important to have self worth by not letting your wife play you for a patsy.

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