Hax: Lover already has a best friend

  • Article by: CAROLYN HAX
  • Updated: May 23, 2013 - 1:55 PM

Dear Carolyn: The chemistry in my nine-month relationship is awesome, the hard work feels minimal, we stay up late and talk often.

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momof4wiMay. 24, 1311:20 AM

Carolyn is way off base on the advise given today! The writers boyfriend seems to be more involved with the X-lover who is/has been married for the last 30 Years to another man. If anyone else believes this is only a platonic friendship, stand up. As for the write, Id tell her to walk away because she will always be second best until the "cougar" is out of the picture.

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paddyhMay. 25, 13 9:07 AM

mom, you may want to re-read the advice. Carolyn said telling the woman to leave obviously wouldn't do any good, because she'd already be gone if she wanted to leave. Why give someone advice they won't listen to? Telling her to set her boundaries and live by them is much more long-lasting advice; and if she does this in this relationship, my guess is the guy will end up being the one walking out, but she'll be left with self-respect.

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jerseymomMay. 25, 1311:07 AM

That's not a best friend, that's a girlfriend. How does the "ex" even get away with that much time away from the husband?? The LW needs to decide if she's ok with a hot, going-no-where "relationship". If she can consider him her boytoy, then press on. If not and she wants a future, run.

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newsloverMay. 26, 13 2:54 PM

Amazing that they MUST be more than friends? I have an ex that I am still friends with. My brother has an ex that he was serious about that was his great friend for years before and is still his great friend now. He is one of the girls to her at this point. There is nothing more than a friendship and I have seen girlfriends get jealous. Just because two people cant be in a relationship together doesnt mean they cant be just friends. I would like to know how the writer is so sure that the friend is in a loveless marriage or that she is still in love with the guy? Or are all these just assumptions?

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maryjfb73May. 29, 13 7:28 AM

newslover - if someone loves his or her spouse, they would not spend that much time away from him or her. Once in awhile, sure. But not as much time as the writer describes and not planning things while excluding someone who's supposed to be your SO.

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