When can he leave fiancée after a stroke?

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  • Updated: April 3, 2013 - 2:58 PM

Dear Prudence: I am 40 and until recently a single father. A little over 1 ½ years ago, I met a woman who totally changed my perspective on life. I’d never believed in soul mates, but she made me a believer. We could complete each other’s sentences and had the kind of love I’d never felt for anyone. After six months we bought a house together, merged families, and I proposed.

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jtjohn1967Apr. 3, 13 4:18 PM

Boy, I sure hope you don't have any issues as you grow older. I think she's the lucky one in getting rid of you. So you weren't prepared, who is? You must really love her to dump her when she needs you most. It's all about the "me" generation... Her problem affects "me" so I'm going to dump her because she's a drag on my life. Why did you get engaged in the first place? Were you married when you had your daughter? Did that wife have the flu and you couldn't take that either so you left? Look, life happens - for good and bad. If you can't deal with the bad then you're not ready for a mature relationship and I suggest you just stay single. Wow, what a piece of work. As a man, I'm telling you to step up as a man and love your fiancee regardless of condition. And you seriously wrote an anonymous letter to a news paper to deal with it! I can totally understand the lack of friends and family now. Please do us a favor and turn in your man card because there's no way you deserve it.

NoMasBSApr. 4, 1312:22 PM

jtjohn1967, really??? Have you ever been in this man's shoes? It's not like he was married to her to 10 years and had all this happened. Yeah he made the mistake of getting engaged too soon but to expect him as a healthy energetic person to be tied down for the rest of his life is asking a little too much. I won't turn in my "MAN CARD" for saying so.

bythebeachApr. 4, 13 2:01 PM

NoMasBS, really?!?! When you're engaged, you've made a commitment to be with the other person for the rest of your lives...through the good and the bad...NOT until it becomes inconvenient for you. jtjohn1967, AMEN! So few people show real character any more.

trevdoggyApr. 4, 13 2:58 PM

bythebeach...not sure where you get your information but a proposal is NOT a commitment, its the intent to commit. There have been no vows, there have been no I dos. LOTS of a engagements end for lesser reasons than this. That said, boy it would be really hard for me to leave someone in a situation like this. Honestly it doesn't say much for his character...times get tough and he's wondering when is the soonest he can run. A man of honor would be there for the woman he loves during her time of dispair but not everyone is like that. Keep in mind though, he's recently divorced (I think) so he's already been through one bad marriage and probably doesn't want to live through another potential one again. That is a situation I don't know so its hard for me to judge how my perception would change in his shoes. As a married man with two kids, I couldn't imagine leaving the woman I love in that kind of condition...married or not.

pogofanApr. 4, 13 4:37 PM

Here's where I have the problem: "...a woman who totally changed my perspective on life. I’d never believed in soul mates, but she made me a believer. We could complete each other’s sentences and had the kind of love I’d never felt for anyone." But then she has a stroke and now "Every day is a reminder of what once was, and so is a constant source of hurt and pain." Hey, her SOUL didn't have a stroke! So where did his deep, never-felt-before love go? A guy deciding how much he owes her ("I am committed for at least a year, which is how long I knew her before her stroke"), a guy worrying about "my own child" but apparently not about those of his fiancee doesn't sound to me like he ever truly loved her in the first place.

melonicityApr. 5, 1312:01 AM

this clown has a lot of nerve to even claim to understand what the term soul mate means. this persons actions clearly illustrate that he has no idea what a soul mate is, it also illustrates that he is not capable of being anyones soul mate. i feel terrible for the person who had the stroke, terrible for her condition and for the time she unknowingly wasted with this...person.

jload027Apr. 5, 13 1:08 PM

Soul mate is a widely overused term. Nevertheless, this guy seems like a pretty big flake. She might be better off without him.

shorbaApr. 6, 13 3:06 PM

i would guess most of the commenters here have never witnessed how much work is involved with someone who has suffered a major stroke. it is a full time job taking care of them at the outset. my best buddy suffered one, i was in between jobs so i lived with him for six months while most of his friends stayed away. not only was his physical health bad, but his mental health also. his personality changed from the stroke. he was no longer happy go lucky guy. he was mean guy. not fun to be around that. he had a wonderful girlfriend that bailed out about year into the rehab. he tried to kill himself, i stopped that by luck and calling 911. he now is living on his own again, has his drivers license back, but his life will never be the same.

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