Hax: Gay son excluded from plan

  • Article by: CAROLYN HAX
  • Updated: March 8, 2013 - 4:30 PM

Dear Carolyn: My parents have invited the entire family, mine and my siblings’, to fly to their home to celebrate a major life event. Everyone is invited to stay at their house except my son — they plan to get a motel room for him. Their problem is, my son is gay. He is married, and plans to bring his husband along.

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lalahemMar. 11, 13 8:01 AM

Who has a Fiance for 10 years?

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shallmanMar. 11, 13 9:30 AM

If it were me, and my parents blatently excluded one member of my family because they don't agree with his lifestyle, I would opt out of the communal gathering and stay at the same hotel as the son/husband. Your parents need to get over themselves, and when you back down to "keep the peace" you are in effect, siding with them and against your son. That is how change comes about. to go with the flow just to make your parents feel better about thier narrow mindedness is, in my opinion, agreeing with them. Its your choice.

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QlorraineMar. 11, 1310:20 AM

I agree with shallman. Stay in the hotel with your son and his husband. You don't have to make a big production out of it. Just be matter of fact and to the point to the parents (his grandparents). Simply say that you would like to stay in the same place as your son so you will be opting out of staying at their house. That is has nothing to do with space available and everything to do with family.

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mplsbigmamaMar. 11, 1312:28 PM

Grandparents are practicing "religious freedom" by not tolerating homosexuality in their own home; children should be respectful towards their elders and their beliefs. Those who do not want to abide by the homeowner's rules can stay in a hotel.

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psychswedeMar. 12, 13 7:44 AM

It might not be the grandparents..it might be because of another family member. Being me, I would ask my parents why my son is excluded. Depending on the answer, then I would either stay in a hotel with my son and his partner...or buck the whole thing and go to Hawaii and actually have fun.

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vikesgr8fanMar. 13, 13 8:34 AM

shallman While I agree with your comment, I must point out that being gay isn't a lifestyle anymore than being black is. I wish people would stop saying this as it implies a person is gay out of choice, like chosing what tie to wear with a particular shirt. And mplsbigmama, respect is a two-way street and you don't have any idea if they're practising "religious freedom" or not or are just bigots. Homeowner rules cover things like "no smoking in our house", while excluding someone's son is just deplorable behavior.

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mnmaggiemnMar. 14, 1312:42 PM

Its their house, I understand you dont agree but there could be many reasons. And yes this could be a religious freedom thing as many religions are against homosexuality and they dont want it in their home. It sucks and its a hard spot to be in but you have to ask why and then as psych said then base your decision on the answer (also a heart to heart might be in order depending on the answer).

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psychswedeMar. 14, 1312:50 PM

vikesgr8fan...I have to say..yeah..I would ask why he and his partner wouldnt be included. And, I'd stand with my son. I would want to know who believed my son to be "less than"..and then I would not hesitate to exclude myself from these activities. This is an icky situation.

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jaynedrakeMar. 14, 13 4:49 PM

Depending on what the parents say when asked directly about why, I would, at the least, have the whole family stay at the motel, and possibly not even go to the family gathering.

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davethedogMar. 14, 13 5:53 PM

If my parents ever rejected my child for being gay I would reject my parents. No questions asked. I wouldn't even go on this "family" trip. Because if it purposely excludes my son, it's not my "family".

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