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Grandpa announces end to gifts at age 18

Article by: CAROLYN HAX
Updated: January 27, 2013 - 6:03 PM

Dear Carolyn: Ever since my two sons were born (now 19 and 16), my father has sent a modest monetary gift on their birthdays and Christmas. He is a wealthy man and it was just lovely that he thought of them.

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bobblumenfelJan. 27, 13 7:43 PM

Regarding the first letter, here's another point to ponder: The writer "exchanges gifts" with her father, but she somehow considers his one-way gifting to her sons as normal and expectable. Maybe if they sent him something the reciprocity might continue. At 18, after all, they are generally considered to be adults.

rebelskichickJan. 28, 13 7:41 AM

In our family gifts are stopped at 18 with everyone but your parents. We all never had an issue with it.

ginny6Jan. 28, 1311:40 AM

Agree with bobblumenfel. Often the kids, grandkids, nieces and nephews receive gifts for years, with never a thought of reciprocity. It gets tiring (and expensive). Talk about a sense of entitlement!

medvezhonokJan. 28, 13 1:16 PM

it is his money to do with as he pleases. If he no longer wants to give his older than 18 year old grandsons no money, he has all the right. The are probably money mongers, and have never thanked their Grandfather for any money received.

mnmaggiemnJan. 28, 13 2:44 PM

This isnt unusual. I dont know many over 18 that exchange gifts with anyone but their parents. I think its odd that mom would get upset that grandpa stops sending money, and to point out that hes wealthy, that has nothing to do with caring about family. I send just Christmas cards and receive the same from most of my family, except my parents.

MatladyJan. 28, 13 9:46 PM

I sent gifts to 4 grandchildren last fall and not one of them thanked me-not a phone call, an e-mail nada. No one called or sent me a birthday card either.

squarnJan. 28, 1310:18 PM

This comes from someone with no living grandparents: The opportunity to sit down and have a conversation (and a hug) with a grandparent is worth more than any monetary gift. Those grandchildren will learn that in time...

grandmajJan. 30, 13 3:16 PM

Children who turn 18 are delighted to be known as adults. As adults, we don't get our turn to be kids when we wish. Not a 2 way door. Mom does not state gracious thanks have always been given. Even an only wealthy grandparent gets tired of no thanks and people assuming the cash cow does not go dry. She does not say she is hurting for money. So it is a token think. So kids, token things up and write grandpa some nice letters, make the first move. You never know about a surprise tuition gift, etc down the road. The best scholarships my kids got for college were ones they did not expect to get. And were thankful for each and every one they got. Another gift back to grandpa is go and spend time, DO WHAT HE WANTS, leave your electronic toys in the car, shut the cell phone off. These disruptive toys in a relationship are huge hiccups. If you can't give time willingly, don't expect to benefit either.