He's torn by friend's sudden resurfacing

  • Article by: AMY DICKINSON
  • Updated: January 21, 2013 - 5:29 PM

Dear Amy: For several years I had a best friend, “Steve,” with whom I had quite a tumultuous relationship. Although he claimed to be straight and I am gay, it ultimately transitioned into a sexual relationship quite unexpectedly, leading him to break up with his girlfriend. A few months later, my friend skipped town to try to sort out his conflicting feelings.

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mnmaggiemnJan. 22, 1312:27 PM

Steve told you why he left. He already explained all this to you. He apparently found a life elsewhere and is now coming back. Why rehash old wounds, I dont think there is any further explaination needed here really. Either carry on a friendship or dont.

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grammarcopJan. 23, 13 7:52 AM

I can't tell for sure from your letter but is Steve wanting to get together with you, your partner and his ex-girlfriend or a current girlfriend? If it's a current girlfriend, I can tell you from years of experience that many guys with girlfriends/wives may think a long-term relationship with another guy is unthinkable but they certainly are eager for the sex part and don't see it as cheating on their girlfriend or wife. I suspicion that he wants that part of your relationship again and the girlfriend is a beard so he can maintain a facade of being straight to the rest of the world. Because it still sounds like you have feelings for him and you don't have a great sexual relationship with your current boyfriend, I'd stick with the phone call and hold this friendship at arms length. What could potentially happen wouldn't be fair to your current boyfriend or Steve's current girlfriend (if that's the case).

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