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The issue: Family versus proximity
So you would have been happy with any guesture, except lunch? Maybe son has a card or gift he planned to give to you in person? We dont know the whole scenario, if son is bogged down at work, home, depressed, anything big or overwhelming going on in his life etc. I cant believe any mother would whine that her son wanted to take her to lunch. Maybe you should suck it up, go to lunch with your son. He at least tried to have an option, you stomped your feet when you didnt what you wanted it seems like.
Father/Son power struggle never ends, until the end (make time for each other, even if it's "inconvenient"). Good idea to have each parent write down their appointment of guardians for the kids and have the court decide.
Since you turned down his offer of lunch maybe he thought that meant you didn't want to acknowledge this "milestone" birthday at all. You should invite him out for the big dinner you wanted for YOUR birthday on HIS birthday, and try to have a great time. And if he again suggests lunch instead, go along with it. Once your children are adults you can no longer control what they do--you can only inspire them to WANT to please you by being someone nice to be around.
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