Turkey of the Year 2010: Brett Favre

  • Updated: November 21, 2012 - 8:16 PM

The Turkey Committee was riding high on Thanksgiving 2009. We managed to get our hands on a hunk of stimulus money and threw the grandest Turkey Banquet in the history of the event. What made it extra special was the timing of this soiree. The committee was able to spare no expense and we honored perhaps the most deserving Turkey of all: Tim Brewster, the coach of the Minnesota football Gophers. The inscription on the embossed programs told a prophetic tale as the reason for selecting Coach Brew on this occasion: "The Turkey Committee had no choice but to give this 2009 honor to Brewster, since we couldn't risk having him escape as Gophers basketball coach Dan Monson had done previously." The celebration of Brewster and our 32nd annual flock of sporting Turkeys had created such a standard for gluttony and opulence that the committee faced a monumental task in planning for this year's banquet. And then came the first Tuesday in November, and trying to top the feat of 2009 was no longer an issue. The Tea Partiers and friends swept to an election landslide, and suddenly the Turkey Committee's stay at the public trough came to an end. We spent a couple of weeks in desperate fundraising, going so far as to contact Vikings owner Zygi Wilf in the hope that he would see sponsoring the Turkey Banquet as good PR for the stadium effort. Sadly, the Zygmeister remembered he was last year's runner-up Turkey and gave us a quick turndown. The committee finally had to face the fact: There would be no banquet for this Thanksgiving. We were left no choice but to notify this year's honorees by another method. Twitter, as it turns out. So, here we go with the 2010 Turkeys: @abbywildeyes. Abby Sunderland, 16-yr-old sailor cost Australia, France & U.S. millions to rescue in Indian Ocean, is a Turkey. @KohlerGolf. Herb Kohler gets Turkey in honor of Whistling Straits, where walking paths are bunkers. @billjamesonline. W/out u, Mr. James, wouldn't have shame of 21 ball writers guilted into voting for Knave Felix (13-12). @VikingsFootball. Leslie Frazier gets Turkey for turning Pro Bowler-filled defense to putty in Pack's hands. @scottylago. Scotty: Forward Turkey to official that sent home colorful snowboarder for showing off Olympic medal. @JoeMauerCom. Site down temporarily, sort of like Joe's bat in postseason. Sweep & no RBIs ... again. @TonyDungy. Taking role as NFL's conscience way too seriously; telling Rex Ryan not to cuss on HBO. @NewYorkRedBulls. Thierry Henry gets Turkey for handball vs. Ireland & leading French mutiny at World Cup. @RachelUchitel. If she had been less noticeable sneaking into Australia, Tiger wouldn't have all these problems. @Allen3Iverson. Isn't it obvious, Allen? You're a Turkey for playing in Turkey. @MikeGrimm3. In this town of homers, Gophers hoops radio guy setting standard previously unattained. @Big12Conference. Commissioner Dan Beebe: Please ask refs to make robbing Big 10 defector Nebraska less blatant. @MichaelBeasley. OK, Beasy, we can handle tats, but that sprig of a ponytail has got to go. Here's a collection of Turkey winners from the first year at mostly impressive Target Field: @VincentBurger. U can't charge $12 for ballpark burger that's a poor imitation of restaurant version. @Walleyeonastick. Next summer let's try it w/ fish captured in same calendar year. @MarriageProposal. We'll buy first gal to say "no" next season real taste treat: Frankie V's Little Italy sandwich. @Beervendorsting. Champ of vendors, Wally the Beer Man, gets pinched. Why aren't ballpark cops looking for pickpockets? As we wind down, the Chairman would like to interject a personal note. We had every expectation to bring back Brewster as a guest for this year's Turkey Banquet, in the hope we could convince him to tell a large Minnesota audience one last time:   "We're going to take Gopher Nation to the Rose Bowl." As you have learned today, the banquet was cancelled because of the committee's bankruptcy filing and we're a bit worried that Coach Brew might have missed the message. There was a tweet sent to Play4Brew, but in checking, there had been no action on that once-lively site since Oct. 17. What our researchers found interesting was Brewster was the third Gophers football coach in Turkey history to win the grand prize, joining Lou Holtz (1985) and Glen Mason (2003). And several others -- including Joe Salem, John Gutekunst and Jim Wacker -- were being thought of warmly when the 1992 winner was declared to be "25 Years of Golden Gophers Football." We could go with "43 Years of Golden Gophers Football" today, but the Turkey Committee doesn't like to kick the same can too often. That's not to say Gophers football will be ignored as we introduce the finalists for the 2010 Turkey of the Year: Second runners-up: @KingJames. LeBron James' resume: The Quit in Game 5. The Decision on ESPN. The Martyr in Nike ad. Let's hope he never gets The Ring. @RandyMossNews. Randy was back for 4 games, offered familiar combo of indifference & bad influence, was quickly & rightly fired. First runner-up: @GopherAthletics. AD Joel Maturi: Skeptical fans wanting new blood in FB coach search weren't thinking, "Dave Mona." Now, as we get ready to name the Grand Turkey, let the committee pause to reveal this was the easiest choice in 33 years. Turkey of the Year: @BrettFavreNews. Never has one legend done so much, on and off field, to destroy a promising team as has the Grey Ego. The committee wasn't 100 percent certain this Twitter site had easy access to Favre, so we sent along notification to a person with whom the old QB has been known to have contact: @jennifersterger. Next time u hear from Brett, please notify he's Turkey of Year. Thanks -- The Committee.

ADVERTISEMENT

NY Yankees - LP: B. McCarthy 3 FINAL
Toronto - WP: J. Happ 4
Philadelphia - LP: A. Burnett 5 FINAL
NY Mets - WP: D. Gee 6
Cincinnati - WP: J. Cueto 3 FINAL
Pittsburgh - LP: J. Hughes 2
Minnesota - LP: R. Nolasco 8 FINAL
Baltimore - WP: W. Chen 12
Boston - WP: C. Buchholz 3 FINAL
Tampa Bay - LP: A. Cobb 0
Detroit - LP: R. Porcello 2 FINAL
Chicago WSox - WP: J. Quintana 6
Texas - LP: N. Cotts 2 FINAL
Houston - WP: J. Veras 3
Chicago Cubs - LP: C. Villanueva 6 FINAL
St. Louis - WP: P. Neshek 9
Oakland - LP: S. Kazmir 1 FINAL
LA Angels - WP: M. Shoemaker 8
Milwaukee - LP: K. Lohse 5 FINAL
San Francisco - WP: M. Bumgarner 15
Los Angeles - WP: H. Ryu 7 FINAL
San Diego - LP: E. Stults 1
Washington - LP: T. Roark 3 FINAL
Seattle - WP: H. Iwakuma 5
Colorado - LP: J. De La Rosa 2 FINAL
Arizona - WP: C. Anderson 6
Miami - LP: N. Eovaldi 0 FINAL
Atlanta - WP: A. Wood 1
Cleveland 4 Suspended
Kansas City 2
Green Bay 9/4/14 7:30 PM
Seattle
Troy 10 FINAL
UAB 48
(7) UCLA 28 FINAL
Virginia 20
Western Mich 34 FINAL
Purdue 43
(5) Ohio State 34 FINAL
Navy 17
Appalachian St 14 FINAL
Michigan 52
Ga Southern 23 FINAL
NC State 24
Boston College 30 FINAL
Massachusetts 7
West Virginia 23 FINAL
(2) Alabama 33
Rice 17 FINAL
(17) Notre Dame 48
(10) South Dakota St 18 FINAL
(24) Missouri 38
Fla Atlantic 7 FINAL
(22) Nebraska 55
California 31 FINAL
Northwestern 24
Marshall 42 FINAL
Miami-Ohio 27
UC Davis 0 FINAL
(11) Stanford 45
Arkansas 21 FINAL
(6) Auburn 45
(16) Clemson 21 FINAL
(12) Georgia 45
Liberty 29 FINAL
(23) North Carolina 56
Ohio U 17 FINAL
Kent State 14
Louisiana Tech 16 FINAL
(4) Oklahoma 48
Stephen F Austin 16 FINAL
(20) Kansas State 55
Fresno State 13 FINAL
(15) USC 52
Southern Miss 0 FINAL
Miss State 49
Texas-El Paso 31 FINAL
New Mexico 24
North Texas 7 FINAL
Texas 38
(1) Florida State 37 FINAL
Oklahoma State 31
(14) Wisconsin 24 FINAL
(13) LSU 28
Idaho 0 Postponed
Florida 0
South Dakota 13 FINAL
(3) Oregon 62
(25) Washington 17 FINAL
Hawaii 16
Utah State 7 FINAL
Tennessee 38
SMU 0 FINAL
(10) Baylor 45
Miami-Florida 7:00 PM
Louisville
Arizona 9/4/14 7:00 PM
TX-San Antonio
Pittsburgh 9/5/14 6:00 PM
Boston College
Washington St 9/5/14 9:30 PM
Nevada
SMU 9/6/14 11:00 AM
North Texas
Fla Atlantic 9/6/14 11:00 AM
(2) Alabama
Buffalo 9/6/14 11:00 AM
Army
(24) Missouri 9/6/14 11:00 AM
Toledo
Arkansas State 9/6/14 11:00 AM
Tennessee
(8) McNeese State 9/6/14 11:00 AM
(22) Nebraska
Central Mich 9/6/14 11:00 AM
Purdue
Akron 9/6/14 11:00 AM
Penn State
Western Ill 9/6/14 11:00 AM
(14) Wisconsin
(20) Kansas State 9/6/14 11:00 AM
Iowa State
(4) Oklahoma 9/6/14 11:00 AM
Tulsa
Western Ky 9/6/14 11:00 AM
Illinois
SC State 9/6/14 11:30 AM
(16) Clemson
Navy 9/6/14 12:00 PM
Temple
UAB 9/6/14 1:00 PM
Miss State
South Alabama 9/6/14 1:00 PM
Kent State
New Mexico St 9/6/14 1:00 PM
Georgia State
Colorado 9/6/14 2:00 PM
Massachusetts
Fresno State 9/6/14 2:00 PM
Utah
(1) Eastern Wash 9/6/14 2:00 PM
(25) Washington
(15) USC 9/6/14 2:30 PM
(11) Stanford
Ohio U 9/6/14 2:30 PM
Kentucky
Middle Tennessee 9/6/14 2:30 PM
Minnesota
Northern Ill 9/6/14 2:30 PM
Northwestern
Missouri State 9/6/14 2:30 PM
Oklahoma State
Ball State 9/6/14 2:30 PM
Iowa
Maryland 9/6/14 2:30 PM
So Florida
Eastern Mich 9/6/14 3:00 PM
Florida
Georgia Tech 9/6/14 3:00 PM
Tulane
(18) Ole Miss 9/6/14 3:30 PM
Vanderbilt
Old Dominion 9/6/14 5:00 PM
NC State
(8) Michigan State 9/6/14 5:30 PM
(3) Oregon
(19) Arizona State 9/6/14 6:00 PM
New Mexico
Louisiana Tech 9/6/14 6:00 PM
Louisiana
San Jose St 9/6/14 6:00 PM
(6) Auburn
East Carolina 9/6/14 6:00 PM
(9) So Carolina
Duke 9/6/14 6:00 PM
Troy
Idaho 9/6/14 6:00 PM
ULM
(17) Sam Houston St 9/6/14 6:30 PM
(13) LSU
Michigan 9/6/14 6:30 PM
(17) Notre Dame
Lamar 9/6/14 6:30 PM
(21) Texas A&M
Northwestern St 9/6/14 6:30 PM
(10) Baylor
BYU 9/6/14 6:30 PM
Texas
Citadel 9/6/14 6:30 PM
(1) Florida State
San Diego St 9/6/14 7:00 PM
(23) North Carolina
Virginia Tech 9/6/14 7:00 PM
(5) Ohio State
Memphis 9/6/14 9:00 PM
(7) UCLA
Colorado State 9/6/14 9:15 PM
Boise State
Air Force 9/6/14 9:15 PM
Wyoming
Oregon State 9/6/14 9:30 PM
Hawaii
Texas Tech 9/6/14 10:00 PM
Texas-El Paso
Red Bull New York 0 FINAL
D.C. 2
Los Angeles 3 FINAL
Chivas USA 0
Ottawa 10 FINAL
Montreal 20
Winnipeg 30 FINAL
Saskatchewan 35
Toronto 12:00 PM
Hamilton
Edmonton 3:30 PM
Calgary
Phoenix 77 FINAL
Minnesota 82

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

question of the day

Poll: How many fantasy football teams do you draft?

Weekly Question

ADVERTISEMENT

Connect with twitterConnect with facebookConnect with Google+Connect with PinterestConnect with PinterestConnect with RssfeedConnect with email newsletters

ADVERTISEMENT