Turkey of the year 2007: Charlie Weis

  • Updated: November 21, 2012 - 8:16 PM

The war continues in Afghanistan and Iraq with no end in sight. Surveys show the American public is depressed over job security and the ongoing attack on benefits. Canadians are making jokes about the value of our dollar. Against this depressing backdrop, the Turkey Committee also has suffered significant setbacks in its talent pool over the past 12 months. Dan Monson, the failed men's basketball coach at Minnesota, resigned early in the 2006-07 season and was allowed to sneak away to Long Beach State without ever claiming the Grand Turkey. Terry Ryan, the Twins' general manager, put himself in position to take home the golden gobbler with his most ineffective season at the helm of the local ballclub. Then he stepped down in September, thus eliminating the possibility that the rewarding of a Grand Turkey could serve its real purpose: To have the winners look inward at their errant ways and set a course of action that will allow them to perform better. There was other Turkeydom attrition:   The Timberwolves' purge included getting rid of three major knotheads in Troy Hudson, Ricky Davis and Mark Blount. The Wild dumped Manny Fernandez, ending the chance that his foul mood as a backup goalie could have become fowl-winning. Also on the hockey front, coach Laura Halldorson was on the cusp of the impossible - turning the Gophers women's team into a mediocrity - before she had the good taste to resign. The VIPs Turkey Committee members responded to these losses by pecking through the debris to come up with a list of banquet invitees that we can only hope the audience finds succulent. Introducing the 2007 Turkeys: - The Piranhas. The way the 2007 season went for lead Piranha Nick Punto, Jason Bartlett should be thankful Nick didn't panic while that commercial was being filmed in the fish tank, grab on for dear life and drown both of them. After the miracle of 2006, it was basically a lousy year for the Twins' slap hitters, including a guest Piranha, Joe (Big Slappy) Mauer. - Nick Saban. Here's proof that it's never too late to get a Turkey invitation. The Alabama football coach was a fringe candidate after his bailout on the Dolphins, but comparing last Saturday's loss to Louisiana Monroe to Pearl Harbor and 9/11 gets Nick his place at the table. - Troy Williamson. A grandmother's funeral is not a legitimate excuse for a nine-day absence for a professional athlete. The Vikings' mistake was not sticking to the original decision to withhold Williamson's weekly check. - Bill Lester. Nice guy, this Bill, but as the long-serving executive director of the Metropolitan Sports Facilities Commission, he has interjected no common sense into the conversation for a new Vikings stadium. Asked how his group could be pitching such an obscenely expensive vision for a replacement Dome, Lester said, "This is what the Vikings would agree to." Next time Lester and the commissioners get together with Vikings owner Zygi Wilf, they ought to sing him the chorus of "You Can't Always Get What You Want." - Johnnie Morton. The former NFL receiver received considerable attention before his mixed martial arts debut in June. He was knocked out in 38 seconds. Then, five days later, Morton was suspended when steroids showed up in his pre-fight drug test. Would you expect anything more from an ex-Detroit Lion? - Dale Earnhardt Jr. The most overrated sports hero in America left his stepmother's racing team in high class fashion, trying to crash every No. 8 she owned before moving to Hendrick Motorsports, the Yankees of racing, in 2008. - Derek Boogaard. He runs a summer fight camp for hockey players, makes more threats toward opponents than the Russian mafia, and then whines that the referees look at him more closely than other players during his three 30-second shifts a night for the Wild. - Marion Jones and Barry Bonds. Perhaps Jones can convince Bonds that confession is good for the soul as they sit together at today's feast. - Gerald Poindexter. This is the county attorney in Virginia who figures that going to federal prison on charges of dogfighting wouldn't be enough punishment for Atlanta quarterback Michael Vick. Poin-dexter decided what justice demanded was some good old Dixie double jeopardy. - Eric Decker. What a season it was for our beloved rodents: Even the Gophers' best football player finishes in indignity by punching a Wisconsin defender in the groin. - Don Lucia. He was the first runner-up last year, for guiding his Gophers hockey team to the most embarrassing postseason loss (Holy Cross, 4-3 in overtime) in the history of Minnesota sports. Certainly, the Don deserves another table setting today for having his choice of recruits and winding up with the lowest graduation rate in Division I hockey. A reminder: Early pro signees don't count against the graduation rate, unless they are not in good academic standing when they leave school. - Brandon Smith. This young basketballer was thrown off his Minneapolis Henry team as a senior, suspended at Minnesota by interim coach Jim Molinari and tossed off the Gophers permanently before this season by new coach Tubby Smith. And now Brandon is looking for another school in order to hit the very difficult superfecta of disgruntled coaches. Chairman rulings We now require this announcement before getting to the big honor: The Chairman has taken the unusual action of granting a pardon to a pair of choice turkeys. The hand-spitting, handshaking Little Leaguers from Coon Rapids were on the tentative guest list, but an executive decision was made to acknowledge adolescent  stupidity and keep the lads off the chopping block. In another break with tradition, the Turkey Chairman decided not to honor a runner-up at today's banquet. That's because the winner so quickly established himself as a Turkeydom powerhouse that there was no major challenger. This man swept in from an NFL assistant's job and shot off his mouth as if he were the second coming of Bobby Bowden. He talked of reviving a proud football tradition and winning championships, and then in 2007 produced more losses than in any season in this great school's history. The Chairman was particularly offended by this blowhard, since he had been raised in a home where rooting for this team was as much of a Saturday ritual in the fall as pursuing ringnecks. There's no big surprise here: The 2007 Turkey of the Year is Charlie Weis of Notre Dame.

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Philadelphia 24 FINAL
Washington 27
San Diego 21 4th Qtr 8:21
San Francisco 35
Minnesota 12/21/14 12:00 PM
Miami
Baltimore 12/21/14 12:00 PM
Houston
Detroit 12/21/14 12:00 PM
Chicago
Cleveland 12/21/14 12:00 PM
Carolina
Atlanta 12/21/14 12:00 PM
New Orleans
Green Bay 12/21/14 12:00 PM
Tampa Bay
Kansas City 12/21/14 12:00 PM
Pittsburgh
New England 12/21/14 12:00 PM
NY Jets
NY Giants 12/21/14 3:05 PM
St. Louis
Buffalo 12/21/14 3:25 PM
Oakland
Indianapolis 12/21/14 3:25 PM
Dallas
Seattle 12/21/14 7:30 PM
Arizona
Denver 12/22/14 7:30 PM
Cincinnati
Phoenix 99 FINAL
New York 90
Portland 114 FINAL
New Orleans 88
Utah 86 FINAL
Charlotte 104
Atlanta 104 FINAL
Houston 97
San Antonio 93 FINAL
Dallas 99
Indiana 73 4th Qtr 0:01
Denver 76
Milwaukee 42 2nd Qtr 5:45
LA Clippers 38
Arizona 2 FINAL
Los Angeles 4
Colorado 5 FINAL
Buffalo 1
Philadelphia 7 FINAL
Toronto 4
Ottawa 1 FINAL
Montreal 4
Washington 4 FINAL
New Jersey 0
Tampa Bay 1 FINAL
NY Islanders 3
Florida 1 FINAL
Pittsburgh 3
NY Rangers 3 FINAL(SO)
Carolina 2
Chicago 2 FINAL(SO)
Columbus 3
Nashville 6 FINAL(OT)
Minnesota 5
Calgary 0 2nd Prd 10:13
Vancouver 2
St. Louis 0 2nd Prd
San Jose 0
VA Commonwealth 68 FINAL
Cincinnati 47
Charlotte 78 FINAL
Georgetown 81
SMU 62 FINAL
Michigan 51
Louisville 76 FINAL
Western Ky 67
Mount St Marys 45 FINAL
American Univ 46
Abilene Christian 33 FINAL
Boise State 77
UMass Lowell 63 FINAL
Duquesne 79
South Alabama 65 FINAL
IUPUI 71
Ohio State 74 FINAL
North Carolina 82
Massachusetts 65 FINAL
Providence 85
Syracuse 77 FINAL
Villanova 82
Citadel 61 FINAL
Virginia Tech 64
Belmont 73 FINAL
Fairfield 61
St Bonaventure 69 FINAL
Binghamton 51
Montreat 64 FINAL
Campbell 90
Delaware 74 FINAL
Fair-Dickinson 76
South Florida 62 FINAL
Florida State 75
Vanderbilt 60 FINAL
Georgia Tech 65
SC State 71 FINAL
Houston 63
Missouri 59 FINAL
Illinois 62
Truett-McConnell 55 FINAL
Jacksonville 84
Toledo 83 FINAL
McNeese State 69
Elon 71 FINAL
UNC Greensboro 64
Drexel 68 FINAL
Penn State 73
St Francis-PA 73 FINAL
Rutgers 68
Albany 64 FINAL
Yale 60
PSU-Beaver 74 FINAL
Longwood 106
Eastern Ill 60 FINAL
Indiana State 56
Indiana 82 FINAL
Butler 73
Marshall 58 FINAL
Arkansas State 67
Lafayette 69 FINAL
Kansas 96
Oral Roberts 63 FINAL
Memphis 78
Western Mich 61 FINAL
Northwestern 67
Delaware State 70 FINAL
Oregon 83
Fla Atlantic 56 FINAL
St Francis-NY 61
Arkansas Tech 57 FINAL
Stephen F Austin 94
Howard Payne 50 FINAL
Texas-Arlington 89
UMBC 66 FINAL
Kennesaw St 53
St Josephs (IN) 54 FINAL
Chicago State 77
Eastern Mich 77 FINAL
Missouri State 65
UCLA 44 FINAL
Kentucky 83
UC Davis 81 FINAL
Air Force 75
Houston Baptist 67 FINAL
UC Riverside 78
Davidson 80 FINAL
Coll of Charleston 68
USC Upstate 53 FINAL
Miss State 51
NC Central 94 FINAL
Miss Valley St 60
Illinois State 77 FINAL
Murray State 89
Louisiana 85 FINAL
Northwestern St 89
Oakland 77 FINAL
Pittsburgh 81
Detroit 55 FINAL
Rhode Island 69
Presbyterian 60 FINAL
UT Martin 77
Monmouth 74 FINAL
Wagner 66
Southern U 39 FINAL
Wyoming 57
Iowa State 83 FINAL
Drake 54
Wake Forest 50 FINAL
Florida 63
High Point 80 FINAL
James Madison 71
Texas Southern 71 FINAL
Michigan State 64
New Hampshire 60 FINAL
Sacred Heart 73
Northeastern 78 FINAL
Santa Clara 72
Huston-Tillotson 56 FINAL
Texas State 90
Purdue 63 FINAL
Notre Dame 94
Prairie View 44 FINAL
Sam Houston St 61
Xavier 88 FINAL
Auburn 89
Bluffton 53 FINAL
Akron 92
NJIT 84 FINAL
Central Conn St 76
Hofstra 77 FINAL
Columbia 82
Boston Univ 62 FINAL
Dayton 78
Iona 81 FINAL
George Mason 86
Valparaiso 75 FINAL
IUPU-Ft Wayne 72
Texas A&M 64 FINAL
Kansas State 71
Morgan State 69 FINAL
Manhattan 73
Saint Josephs 75 FINAL
Marist 58
East Carolina 54 FINAL
UNC-Wilmington 66
Richmond 65 FINAL
Pepperdine 63
La Salle 67 FINAL
Towson 53
Incarnate Word 110 FINAL
UMKC 104
CS-Bakersfield 59 FINAL
Idaho State 50
Iowa 44 FINAL
Northern Iowa 56
Milwaukee 56 FINAL
SIU Edwardsville 61
Long Beach State 68 FINAL
Texas 78
TX-San Antonio 57 FINAL
TCU 88
SE Missouri St 67 FINAL
Arkansas 85
Lehigh 73 2nd OT 1:30
Arizona State 73
New Mexico 69 FINAL
New Mexico St 67
Oklahoma 67 FINAL
Washington 69
Utah Valley U 61 FINAL
Weber State 73
Jacksonville St 60 FINAL
Northern Colorado 69
St Edwards 55 FINAL
Grand Canyon 81
NC State 53 2nd Half 9:08
West Virginia 59
TX A&M-CC 40 2nd Half 11:52
CS-Northridge 42
Cal Poly 34 2nd Half 13:42
Gonzaga 41
Fresno State 37 2nd Half 10:54
Pacific 48
Montana State 37 2nd Half 14:43
Portland 60
Ball State 28 2nd Half 18:34
San Diego St 36
South Dakota St 40 2nd Half 13:09
Utah State 35
Stanford 14 1st Half 13:11
BYU 18
Utah 10:30 PM
UNLV
Nevada 3 FINAL
Louisiana 16
Utah State 21 FINAL
Texas-El Paso 6
(23) Utah 45 FINAL
Colorado State 10
Western Mich 24 FINAL
Air Force 38
South Alabama 7 3rd Qtr 15:00
Bowling Green 20
BYU 12/22/14 1:00 PM
Memphis
Marshall 12/23/14 5:00 PM
Northern Ill
Navy 12/23/14 8:30 PM
San Diego St
Central Mich 12/24/14 11:00 AM
Western Ky
Fresno State 12/24/14 7:00 PM
Rice
Illinois 12/26/14 12:00 PM
Louisiana Tech
Rutgers 12/26/14 3:30 PM
North Carolina
NC State 12/26/14 7:00 PM
UCF
Cincinnati 12/27/14 12:00 PM
Virginia Tech
Duke 12/27/14 1:10 PM
(15) Arizona State
Miami-Florida 12/27/14 3:00 PM
So Carolina
Boston College 12/27/14 3:30 PM
Penn State
(25) Nebraska 12/27/14 7:00 PM
(24) USC
Livingstone 77 FINAL
UNC Greensboro 81
Loyola-Chicago 58 FINAL
Dartmouth 70
Georgia Tech 65 FINAL
St Francis-NY 59
Auburn 49 FINAL
St Johns 56
East Tenn St 56 FINAL
Jacksonville St 57
Western Mich 71 FINAL
Detroit 57
Cal-Irvine 42 FINAL
Wright State 80
Gardner-Webb 47 FINAL
Kennesaw St 50
(7) Stanford 40 FINAL
(11) Tennessee 59
Alabama A&M 47 FINAL
Ole Miss 71
Central Michigan 45 FINAL
(1) South Carolina 80
Nebraska Omaha 50 FINAL
Creighton 67
FIU 69 FINAL
Western Carolina 83
Houston 65 FINAL
Nicholls 47
St Thomas Aquinas 45 FINAL
Army 70
St Bonaventure 72 FINAL
Niagara 60
Texas State 57 FINAL
Stetson 75
George Mason 65 FINAL
ULM 53
Grambling 38 FINAL
Kansas State 61
Missouri 79 FINAL
Wake Forest 64
Robert Morris 59 FINAL
Cornell 70
Air Force 44 FINAL
Abilene Christian 80
Hampton 53 FINAL
James Madison 85
American Univ 64 FINAL
MD-Eastern Shore 52
Texas Southern 63 FINAL
TX A&M-CC 68
Tenn Tech 49 FINAL
NC A&T 54
Presbyterian 45 FINAL
NC Central 33
Penn 58 FINAL
Drexel 67
Lipscomb 38 FINAL
Xavier 62
Vermont 40 FINAL
Green Bay 60
Charleston Southern 70 FINAL
UNC-Wilmington 80
Ohio Christian 62 FINAL
Akron 97
Jacksonville 62 FINAL
Murray State 80
(17) Rutgers 66 FINAL
Iona 58
Indiana 88 FINAL
Oakland 61
Indiana State 64 FINAL
SMU 55
Denver 51 FINAL
Purdue 65
TX-San Antonio 48 FINAL
Texas Tech 64
UCF 57 FINAL
Middle Tennessee 79
Campbell 66 FINAL
Bethune-Cookman 55
Florida A&M 67 FINAL
SE Louisiana 69
Northwestern St 61 FINAL
Jackson State 62
Lehigh 61 FINAL
Arizona State 81
Valparaiso 65 FINAL
SIU-Edwardsville 77
Liberty 60 FINAL
Minnesota 74
Wofford 60 FINAL
North Florida 68
Montana State 61 FINAL
Washington St 82
Marshall 56 FINAL
(22) West Virginia 69
Morgan State 40 FINAL
Chattanooga 55
Northeastern 65 FINAL
Harvard 67
Furman 51 FINAL
(15) Georgia 58
(18) Michigan State 65 FINAL
(9) Baylor 84
Ohio U 52 FINAL
Massachusetts 59
Prairie View 48 FINAL
Texas-El Paso 86
Toledo 64 FINAL
Southern Ill 48
High Point 57 FINAL
(12) Nebraska 83
Winthrop 20 FINAL
Wichita State 66
William Jewell 59 FINAL
UMKC 51
Louisiana Tech 52 FINAL
Utah 67
Southern Utah 51 FINAL
Gonzaga 70
Hawaii 85 FINAL
Loyola Marymount 76
San Jose St 62 FINAL
San Francisco 77
CS-Northridge 65 FINAL
San Diego State 54
Norfolk State 36 FINAL
East Carolina 65
Saint Peters 49 FINAL
Loyola-Maryland 59
Arizona 60 FINAL
Stephen F Austin 72
Northwestern 92 FINAL
Eastern Illinois 44
Oral Roberts 52 FINAL
Wisconsin 70
Florida Atlantic 44 FINAL
New Mexico St 57
La Salle 76 FINAL
Georgia State 68
(16) Oregon State 73 FINAL
Nevada 50
Sacred Heart 72 FINAL
Villanova 49
Delaware 59 FINAL
Cincinnati 67
Troy 75 FINAL
Tennessee St 71
Saint Louis 68 FINAL
Utah Valley U 66
Washington 74 FINAL
UC-Riverside 71
Pacific 43 FINAL
Long Beach St 53
Old Dominion 69 FINAL
Miami-Ohio 63
Austin Peay 52 2nd Half 4:28
Montana 69
Lewis-Clark State 33 2nd Half 9:51
Idaho 54
(21) Miss State 39 2nd Half
Illinois-Chicago 18

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