Turkey of the Year 2006: Pam Borton

  • Updated: November 21, 2012 - 8:16 PM

The internal debate on the Turkey Committee between the old guard and the young turks reached a new level of hostility during this week's final consultations. The belligerent youngsters restated their contention that the Turkey Awards should be dedicated to ridicule. They argued vociferously that the Grand Turkey, a-k-a the Herschel, should be reserved for idiotic behavior of athletes. The turks said the big award should go to a gentleman such as former Viking Koren Robinson, who was pinched for driving over the legal limit at more than 100 miles per hour and in the process blew the millions he had coming on a new contract. The committee's chairman tried to explain again that the Turkey Awards are about catharsis – about pointing out flaws on which an honoree can work to become a better athlete, coach, owner or administrator, and perhaps a better person. "Take the example of the most recent Grand Turkey, Bob Naegele, the owner of Minnesota's NHL team," the chairman said. "A year ago, he was so cheap that he was ripping off his loyal customers with an inferior product. "This flaw was pointed out on Thanksgiving morning 2005, and the man changed his ways. Naegele funded an overhaul of the roster last summer and now lively entertainment has returned for the sellout crowds in St. Paul. "So you see what these prestigious awards can do when based on constructive criticism, rather than mere chastisement." The turks hooted and hurled insults at the chairman until he couldn't take it anymore. The old boy pounded the lectern and shouted: "The Turkeys are what we thought they were! Now, if you want to crown Koren's keister, then crown it. But the Turkeys ARE what we thought they were!" The debate was over. The Turkey Committee finally embarked on the serious business of issuing these invitations for the 29th annual Turkey Banquet: - Ron Gardenhire: The Twins manager was a late addition after the MVP votes were announced. MVP, Cy Young, batting champ, Exec of the Year as the talent provider - and 0-3 in the playoffs. We want more, Gardy. - Phil Mickelson: He wasn't satisfied to ruin his own season by pouting over his 72nd-hole collapse in the U.S. Open. He also decided to ruin any chance for the U.S. team in the Ryder Cup. - Ricky Davis: Can't shoot but won't stop trying. Doesn't pass or play defense. The Woofies wuz robbed. - Jason Kubel: He goes in the tank after the All-Star break, sits around and shows no ambition the final six weeks of the season, then refuses the Twins' request to go to Venezuela for the second half of the winter schedule to get at-bats. Starting in left fieldfor the Twins on Opening Day 2007: Jason ... Tyner. - Fay Vincent: He wasn't satisfied to be a disastrous baseball commissioner. He also was the chairman of the Hall of Fame's Negro Leagues special committee that failed to include the great (and now late) Buck O'Neil among last summer's 17 inductees. - Landon Donovan: The United States soccer team went to the World Cup in Germany with a huge buildup. The Yanks failed miserably - with Donovan as the top flop. - Ben Smith: There are two countries in the world with more than a few dozen women playing hockey: the United States and Canada. Against all odds, Smith managed to avoid coaching the U.S. team into the gold medal game at this winter's Olympics. - Michelle Wie: Look up snot .n in any unabridged dictionary and you will find her picture. - Linda Koblick and Penny Steele: What's more juvenile for a Hennepin County commissioner: Koblick still refusing to talk to a colleague who voted for the tax to finance a Twins stadium, or Weepin' Penny weeping every time there was a debate on the issue? - Jay Mariotti: The Chicago Sun-Times sports columnist shows up every afternoon on ESPN making a fool of himself, then we find out this summer - during the brouhaha with Ozzie Guillen - that he hasn't had time to visit the White Sox clubhouse in a decade. - M & M & M boys: Joe Mauer, Justin Morneau and Michael Cuddyer? Of course not. These are the permanent seats of honor for the U's Joel Maturi, Glen Mason and Dan Monson. - Phyllis Kahn: This legislator was so concerned about the youth of America in years back that she wanted 12-year-olds to have the right to vote. And then DeLaSalle, the oldest tenant on Nicollet Island, sought a permit to build a small football field next to the high school. Phyllis lives down there and turned into a raving hypocrite - a wild-eyed foe of a facility to benefit the diverse student body of her city's only Catholic high school. And now move aside for the head table: - Second runner-up: Zygi Wilf. Look out down there on Nicollet Island, Phyllis. That might be the next place the Vikings owner and crazed New Jersey developer wants to take his stadium dream. One big problem Zygmunt's maneuvering has created: The only way to fund a Vikings stadium would be with a referendum for a seven-county tax, and he has managed to alienate Anoka County to the tune of about 95 percent against in such a vote. - First runner-up: Don Lucia. When his underage hockey players were caught on tape drinking, Lucia said they were "violated." When his big-budget Gophers were eliminated in a first-round upset by non-entity Holy Cross, he didn't have the good taste to be embarrassed. And then Lucia's lackeys whispered negatives about the departing Phil Kessel, who had been ballyhooed a few months earlier as the best recruit in program history. Lucia would have been worthy of the Herschel, except there was a coaching colleague at Minnesota who had a more impressive end-of-season collapse. As most Turkey followers must have anticipated, the 29th Grand Turkey is Pam Borton, the basketball coach of the U of M women. Borton's 2006 seniors went backward in their play, then the underclassmen bailed faster than an audience at a Michael Richards standup routine. In four years, Borton has taken the team she inherited from 14,000 people screaming inside Williams Arena to a following that would fit comfortably next door in the Sports Pavilion. Borton's Herschel also has huge gender-equity implications. She's only the second woman - along with gymnast Kerri Strug in 1996 – to be a Grand Turkey. The chairman is so emotional over this he's about to weep like Penny Steele.

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Kansas City 3 3rd Qtr
Oakland 14
Cleveland 11/23/14 12:00 PM
Atlanta
Tennessee 11/23/14 12:00 PM
Philadelphia
Detroit 11/23/14 12:00 PM
New England
Green Bay 11/23/14 12:00 PM
Minnesota
Jacksonville 11/23/14 12:00 PM
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Houston
Tampa Bay 11/23/14 12:00 PM
Chicago
Arizona 11/23/14 3:05 PM
Seattle
St. Louis 11/23/14 3:05 PM
San Diego
Miami 11/23/14 3:25 PM
Denver
Washington 11/23/14 3:25 PM
San Francisco
Dallas 11/23/14 7:30 PM
NY Giants
NY Jets 11/24/14 6:00 PM
Buffalo
Baltimore 11/24/14 7:30 PM
New Orleans
LA Clippers 82 3rd Qtr 2:46
Miami 61
Chicago 9:30 PM
Sacramento
Minnesota 1 3rd Prd
Philadelphia 1
Tampa Bay 1 3rd Prd 9:05
Toronto 4
St. Louis 1 3rd Prd 4:42
Montreal 4
Nashville 2 3rd Prd 7:40
Ottawa 3
Detroit 2 3rd Prd
Winnipeg 3
Arizona 1 2nd Prd 9:41
Dallas 0
Washington 0 2nd Prd
Colorado 0
Chicago 2 2nd Prd
Calgary 2
Anaheim 9:00 PM
Vancouver
Carolina 9:30 PM
Los Angeles
Florida 9:30 PM
San Jose
Texas A&M 53 FINAL
Dayton 55
USC 46 FINAL
Akron 66
Coll of Charleston 57 FINAL
Connecticut 65
Drexel 46 FINAL
Miami-Florida 66
New Mexico 65 FINAL
Boston College 69
Penn State 97 FINAL
Charlotte 106
Detroit 62 FINAL
Michigan 71
Eckerd 59 FINAL
UCF 76
VU of Lynchburg 51 FINAL
East Carolina 92
Texas 71 FINAL
Iowa 57
Jacksonville 43 FINAL
NC State 79
Navy 51 FINAL
Providence 88
Grambling St 30 FINAL
Purdue 82
UMass Lowell 57 FINAL
Sacred Heart 54
Keystone 69 FINAL
St Francis-PA 102
Niagara 61 FINAL
Saint Peters 59
Palm Beach Atlantic 85 FINAL
Stetson 96
Texas Southern 58 FINAL
Tennessee 70
MD-Eastern Shore 66 FINAL
VA Commonwealth 106
SUNY-Westbury 49 FINAL
Wagner 83
Bluefield (VA) 57 FINAL
William & Mary 100
Bob Jones Univ 41 FINAL
USC Upstate 107
New Hampshire 63 FINAL
Bryant 72
Fordham 50 FINAL
Maryland 66
Howard 52 FINAL
Radford 61
Champions Bapt 29 FINAL
UT Martin 115
George Mason 65 FINAL
West Virginia 91
South Florida 55 2nd Half 4:36
UAB 53
UC Davis 62 2nd Half 0:06
Eastern Ill 59
Fla Atlantic 49 FINAL
Harvard 71
SMU 59 2nd Half 3:23
Indiana 63
Franklin Pierce 56 2nd Half 1:41
Minnesota 106
Brescia 56 FINAL
Murray State 89
North Florida 65 2nd Half 2:03
Northwestern 62
Fisk 56 2nd Half 2:42
Tennessee St 67
New Orleans 53 2nd Half 8:15
TCU 78
Miss Valley St 54 2nd Half 3:33
Tulane 91
Bucknell 57 2nd Half 4:10
Villanova 58
Northwestern St 73 2nd Half 6:31
LSU-Alexandria 65
Winthrop 41 2nd Half 10:32
Savannah State 41
Southern U 15 2nd Half 20:00
Ole Miss 37
Morgan State 41 2nd Half 12:33
Northern Iowa 44
Cornell 27 2nd Half 10:51
South Carolina 52
Southern Miss 30 2nd Half
Alabama 38
Loyola Marymount 22 2nd Half
Arizona State 28
Lipscomb 25 1st Half 1:13
Vanderbilt 37
Texas-Arlington 24 1st Half 1:55
Grand Canyon 29
Syracuse 8 1st Half 12:07
California 11
Idaho 11 1st Half 11:54
Northern Ill 14
Fresno State 9:00 PM
Northern Ariz
Pacific Union 9:00 PM
Pacific
Denver 9:00 PM
St Marys-CA
CS-Bakersfield 9:30 PM
San Diego St
Nicholls 10:00 PM
UCLA
Bowling Green 20 FINAL
Toledo 27
Kent State 0 Postponed
Buffalo 0
(12) Kansas State 23 4th Qtr 14:43
West Virginia 10
North Carolina 35 3rd Qtr 9:10
(25) Duke 7
Arkansas State 0 1st Qtr 9:28
Texas State 0
Kent State 0 Cancelled
Buffalo 0
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Rice
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(18) Marshall 11/22/14 11:00 AM
UAB
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(22) Colorado State
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Houston
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(20) Utah
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Iowa State
(14) Wisconsin 11/22/14 2:30 PM
Iowa
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Pittsburgh
Boston College 11/22/14 2:30 PM
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Clemson
Tulane 11/22/14 2:30 PM
East Carolina
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California
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(2) Alabama
ULM 11/22/14 3:00 PM
New Mexico St
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Memphis
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(3) Oregon
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Middle Tennessee
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(16) Auburn
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Virginia
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(4) Miss State
(19) Missouri 11/22/14 6:30 PM
Tennessee
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(6) Baylor
(24) USC 11/22/14 7:00 PM
(11) UCLA
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Connecticut
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Wyoming
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Washington
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Nevada
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Texas
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Hamilton
Edmonton 11/23/14 3:30 PM
Calgary
Webber International 41 FINAL
Florida A&M 52
San Jose St 80 FINAL
UC-Riverside 100
Norfolk State 65 FINAL
Radford 74
Washington Adventist 43 FINAL
Morgan State 66
Alabama State 62 FINAL
Savannah State 71
VA Commonwealth 72 FINAL
MD-Eastern Shore 50
Southern U 68 FINAL
Ole Miss 91
Monmouth 78 FINAL
Long Island 57
Bethune-Cookman 51 FINAL
Jacksonville 64
St Thomas (TX) 49 FINAL
Incarnate Word 64
Boston U 56 FINAL
Boston College 73
Clemson 41 FINAL
(2) South Carolina 99
(7) Duke 82 FINAL
Old Dominion 66
Belmont 35 FINAL
(12) Louisville 95
Fla Gulf Coast 69 FINAL
Auburn 72
Florida 66 FINAL
St Johns 72
James Madison 69 FINAL
American Univ 65
Philander Smith 62 FINAL
Ark-Pine Bluff 76
Tougaloo 6:00 PM
Grambling
Virginia 71 FINAL
Xavier 59
Murray State 66 FINAL
Wright State 74
Providence 54 FINAL
Hartford 57
Holy Cross 53 FINAL
Dartmouth 69
Valparaiso 65 FINAL
Northern Ill 50
Detroit 57 FINAL
Ohio U 60
St Bonaventure 58 FINAL
Toledo 64
Mary Washington 59 FINAL
Navy 79
Michigan 64 FINAL
Pittsburgh 85
Davidson 68 FINAL
Gardner-Webb 67
Longwood 50 FINAL
Richmond 80
USC Upstate 69 FINAL
UNC Greensboro 60
(17) West Virginia 49 2nd Half 6:05
Miss State 59
Concordia-Austin 29 2nd Half 0:27
TX-Pan American 72
Western Ill 90 FINAL
Chicago State 55
Albany 51 2nd Half 3:59
Western Ky 56
Drake 60 2nd Half 0:58
SIU-Edwardsville 73
Memphis 52 2nd Half 5:17
Illinois 56
Arkansas 55 2nd Half 1:37
Middle Tennessee 49
LSU-Alexandria 62 2nd Half 3:54
McNeese State 58
Vanderbilt 67 FINAL
Wisconsin 58
Utah 56 FINAL
Creighton 64
Weber State 0 1st Half 20:00
Air Force 0
(10) Texas 42 1st Half 1:36
(6) Stanford 36
Utah Valley U 34 2nd Half
Utah State 39
New Mexico St 9:00 PM
Sacramento St
South Dakota 9:00 PM
Washington
Santa Clara 9:00 PM
UC Santa Barbara

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