Amy: 'Grievance journal' is alarming

  • Article by: AMY DICKINSON
  • Updated: November 2, 2012 - 2:11 PM
  • 6
  • Comments

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  • 1 - 6 of 6
cgrinriNov. 3, 12 6:46 PM

I could have written the letter about the son who has rejected his parents for the grievance logging daughter in law. I agree with Amy that this is alarming, and having watched this relationship evolve until about 6 months ago, it is clear to me that my son is the victim of an abusive spouse. I recently read and article that compared our situation to Stockholm Syndrome. Since she has pitted him against everyone that we both know, I have no one who can speak to him on our behalf, and no access to him. I would appreciate input from anyone with any experience on this subject. I feel so sad for him that his life has turned out this way, and I just want my son back. Help please!

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oohgrrl11Nov. 3, 1211:00 PM

We have a similiar situation in our family. The signs were there early on. It was a quick engagement and wedding. The groom's side was not excluded from wedding pictures to arranged pew seating. Soon there was a "surprise" pregnancy even though he wanted to wait and she did not. She refused to attend the groom's family events citing a sudden on-set of cat allergies. Eventually there were no excuses, just no-shows. It has been 5-6 years now and we have little contact. I doubt it's physical abuse but definitely emotional/psychological. So sad.

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cgrinriNov. 4, 12 8:58 PM

"So sad" is so true. This is not the way I expected my once happy, loving and self confident to ever be living his life. It makes me so sad to know that this is how he is living. I recently read an article that said that abused women (I could not find anything about men) stay with their abusers 5-8 years, so I hope that your son is out of that relationship soon.

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maggiecaNov. 7, 12 9:45 AM

I had a loving and caring son. He got married 10 years ago and I was happy for him and his new wife. I loved her family and I enjoyed being part of my son's life. Little I knew that my son blamed me for his own shortcomings to make himself look better in her eyes and to get approval from her family. He thought that I will never find out! But things started changing between me and his wife, he became irritated and over a time the relationship became unbearable for me. I finally realized that his wife and her parents had it for me from the beginning. I had enough and decided not to respond to her personal attacks. I hoped that my son will remember who I was to him before he got married. I think he still cares and I hope that one day he will realize what is happening to him and what prize he had to pay to be with this spoiled girl. By the way, he is not speaking to his only sister and he pretty much doesn't have contact with his old friends. So yes, this is extremely painful and I can see that it happens to other people as well.

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stplooklistnNov. 8, 1210:12 AM

The grievance log is too much. But if she is not hostile and abusive then there may be some things the in-laws did to start this whole thing or maybe perpetuate it. An old Dear Abby column listed some do's and don's for in-laws. No criticizing,no stopping over without a phone call, accepting them as a couple... This is now a power struggle. This is an extreme case. If families really want to keep the peace then take a look at the other side's perception of the situation.

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cgrinriNov. 9, 12 9:52 AM

I would like to offer my sympathy to each of you. I understand the heartache, the tears, the nausea, the chest pain, the insomnia that goes with all of this. My son also does not speak to his only sibling, his sister. Ironically the daughter in law was her friend first, and she was to be the maid of honor at their wedding. About three months before the wedding they came to our home and told my the daughter in law told my daughter that she was not welcome in the wedding party any longer. Her reasoning was "you annoy me". My son backed her up. She quickly learned that she could pit him against anyone she wanted, and has done so over and over again since then. How does my intelligent son become so stupid? Thanks for the support out there.

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