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Having dealt solely with both parents deaths, and their funerals, I wasnt going to put my kids through the emotional trip I went through. When Dad died, I decided to pre-plan and pay for Mom's funeral, and also arranged for a new headstone to include Mom's name, so that only the date of death had to be added. When Mom died, 4 yrs later, it was so easy to deal with. Now Im retired, and decided I wouldnt put my kids in a spot to have to deal with grief and all the other stuff death of a loved one entails. It took maybe 15-30 minutes to visit the funeral home to set up my wishes for the end. I paid for everything, and am assured my wishes will be fulfilled. My mind is at rest knowing this. All that is left to do is to call them when the time comes, the rest will be taken care of without family having to expose themselves to difficult decisions, along with grief.
I just had a conversation with someone who told me that they were planning their funeral with their pastor ahead of time, so some of the things would not have to be worried about when the time came. Little things like what hymns, readings, verses, etc. Also, the one thing the pastor recommended, to have written down anyone you don't want to have anything to do with your funeral. That way, when your kids are trying to plan it, you don't have a (in this case) an estranged sister coming and wanting to plan it. This church kept folders of folks who had pre-plans. I thought it was a great idea.
I just dont understand why the last thing somoene would want to do is hurt someone. You have tried to reconcile so obviously you care about her. Also, if you think you may die you need to put things behind you and forgive, maybe talking to her and letting her know/explaining to her the seriousness of your situation and give it one last shot so maybe both of you can have a clear mind about this.
This day in age, its nice to hear about kids/teens getting outside. Yes, this is probably annoying but taking the grumpy old man approach wont do anything. Speaking with the parents and simply telling them its great to see that some kids are still outdoors and getting excersize but the kids running in and out of the yard is driving you crazy, is there another direction they can hit the ball or can they please install a net on their side? People generally respond better to a pleasant attitude than a grumpy one. Even better, if your wife is willing maybe having her have a talk with them?
Be kind about it all and buy them a bunch of balls so they only come in your yard once at the end of the game. Better to have a nice reputation than a grumpy one.
Many neighborhoods have ball fields nearby. Better they should walk/bike there. This is a good lesson for them that their wants don't trample someone else. Respect.
To me, it seems spiteful that she doesn't want her sister there - without knowing the extent of her sister's dissatisfaction with her. I would consider it rather cruel, as a bystander, to know that a family member did not attend out of a desire for the deceased not to be there.
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