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Good advice to the woman who has the husband that wants her to lose weight. I would also suggest counseling before pregnancy, and bring this up as your first issue. I suspect it will open a Pandora's box. Just think what will happen after you deliver, when it's that much more difficult to get your teenage body back. Realities change as we age. If your husband really loves you, he will accept and cherish you exactly the way you are.
We live in a world of actresses who are pictured looking incredible after having children. The husband will be more unhappy when his wife will be heavier after birth than before the pregnancy as may be the case. The two need to discuss before the pregnancy what they expect after the pregnancy. Both partners may find that a dedicated excercise and nutrition program at a local fitness center will give both their best health and appearance and needed time to get out of the house for many years to come. Or, they can watch tv and eat snacks when not at work. Or, somewhere in between these options.
Dude: get over your narcissistic behavior. While it's ok to consider weight issues for a healthier life, you are over-blowing this situation. And 15 lbs is nothing. I've been with my gal thru thick and thin literally and I love her anyway that she is. Body's change as we mature - fact of life. Wife: I agree with Hax. If this is a reoccurring theme, think long and hard about having a baby with this guy. Society: we need to get past this obsession with weight - it's driving people crazy. Twiggy: it's all your fault for starting this crap!
Run, don't walk, away from that insensitive jerk. He won't change. He will think he doesn't need counseling. His type never does. Better to end it now before you have children with this man. He will be criticizing your weight forever.
"If your husband really loves you, he will accept and cherish you exactly the way you are." - And if the wife really loves him, she will love him no matter how often he looses his job and how lazy he becomes? Of course not. We have expectation of our spouses. The time before the wedding should be used to clarify and understand each others expectations, and the time after the wedding should not be the time to disregard them. In this case, both seem to have wanted children and the husband is now concerned that the wife's overweight increases her fertility problems and probably fears that they never will have a family. I don't know him but I could imagine him to consider divorce if his wife doesn't at least try to reduce her fertility problem. But Hax sees on the husbands' side only "insensitivity, sense of entitlement and casual disregard for boundaries between his body and yours" and disfigures her advice accordingly - if the wife follows her advice, I see a divorce coming soon, and, according to Hax, this would be good for her - maybe it's even a win-win?
We dont know the entire situation. We are hearing one side of a story. Maybe the husband has reasearched and heard the being overweight can cause even more problems and if you look at those fun charts, they will always say you should weigh less than your doctor suggests (in my experience). So maybe he is not trying to be a jerk but maybe he is misinformed. Maybe there was a conversation/argument and she made some smart remark such as, well I dont want to have a child with you until....and that was his rebuttal...Point is I always see people on here ready to jump ship based on one persons view of a situation that wasnt even that bad.
Why is it perfectly OK for society to criticize people that are too skinny (models, etc.) as being poor role models but 'insensitive' to criticize people that are overweight? Either weight is OFF LIMITS (so shut up about the 'unrealistic' body images portrayed in fashion and movies), or weight is NOT OFF LIMITS (so it's OK to comment on how unhealthy it is to be too skinny AND too fat). Our society has a massive problem with obesity people. And note: this person didn't say they are merely 15 pounds overweight, they said they are 15 pounds HEAVIER. If they started off heavy, this person could very well be obese now.
There simply isn't enough information in the first letter to a) categorically state the husband is a total jerk; b) what exactly the health issues of the want-to-be-mom are; c) being overweight (even as little as 15 pounds) and infertility do not mix. She knows how her husband feels. We don't know for a fact that he was a complete jerk by telling her he'd like her to lose weight before getting pregnant. We don't know if he did research on the topic before saying anything. Is this mom wannabe who states increasing difficulty in even conceiving as each month goes by even aware of the increased risks of weight during pregnancy? Pre-eclampsia; gestational diabetes? I think simply attacking the husband without knowing everything beyond her view to be a bit much. Has anyone considered that he might just be concerned with his wife's health?
Has anyone asked if the husband was overweight or had any undesirable physical features? That being said, the dirty little truth is that men are visual creatures (looks) by nature and women are more into substance and emotions. Most women fall for a nice guy first with looks as an added bonus, where the opposite is true with most men. Men love women more if there's an physical attraction - it's the sad truth. But, I also know a lot of women that dumped their guy for a more attractive one. Overweight people (men AND women) will always lament about how shallow the opposite sex is that prefer attractiveness. Yes, looks don't last but the overweight people I know that do have good relationships bring a lot of other things (and talents) to the table to counter it. And if you think that's going to change, then you know the true definition of insanity - repeating the same actions or behaviour over and over and expecting a different result.
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