Carolyn Hax: Taking of husband's name offends her

  • Article by: CAROLYN HAX
  • Updated: September 25, 2012 - 3:08 PM

How can she communicate this to marrying friends?

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  • Comments

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thehoffersSep. 25, 12 5:15 PM

Hoo boy, one thing's for certain. No woman I've ever known in the situation, failed to put a great deal of thought into their married name. Many even enjoy practicing their new signature starting the day after they're engaged. Clearly this writer has an agenda.

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fattyfatamySep. 25, 1211:54 PM

People these days seem to get offended just a tad too easily.

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carlrackiSep. 26, 1211:20 AM

I've never understood the big deal about a last name. If you want to take your husband's name, do it. If you don't want to, don't. If he wants to take yours, do it. If he doesn't, don't. Nobodies business but the two people getting married.

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mnmaggiemnSep. 26, 1212:08 PM

Why would she be offended because a wife chose to take her husband' name? I know women who vary this by not changing, him changing to hers or hyphenating keeping both names. Its no ones business but the couple what the last name fate should be. I can not wait to take the last name of the man I love.

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jamue11eSep. 27, 12 1:36 PM

Why someone would think it necessary to ask a woman who changed her name "why she did so and if she did, did she think about it though thoroughly enough?" I once had someone I didn't know ask me why I changed my name after telling a story about getting married in a short period of time after I moved and my license was due for renewal. The person at the DMV suggested I just wait until after my marriage license went through and get it renewed only once with the name change all at the same time. I was amazed at the customer service she gave. "Why would you want to lose your identity? Lose my identity? I said. 1. Not your business. 2. What is the matter with you?

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moron100Sep. 27, 12 3:04 PM

Since no one commented on the son your joining Army and her flippent response, i will. They probably dont think much of the military and dont think it is a "good" career move. If i were the dad, i would say how come your kid didnt join? that will put it back on them to answer what he wants to figure out on why they asked that question.

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chilailiSep. 27, 12 4:31 PM

To LW2: How about saying something like, "Let him?! What do you mean "let him"? He's a grown man, he makes his own decisions."

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sevnofnynSep. 30, 1210:25 PM

About changing names... I know a lot of people think their marriage is forever, but for a near majority it is not, due to divorce. And if you change your name (man or woman), you need to decide what to do if the marriage does not last. Many people do not want to keep their spouse's name after a divorce and there is a lot of hassle of changing forms and paperwork and IDs after a divorce. Heck, I didn't change my name and it was weird how much I was referred to as Mrs XYZ by officials when I was always Ms ABC. But, like I said, people are free to make their own decisions, and it is probably easier if you are younger and don't have a lot of documentation in one name that you have to switch and then switch back if things don't go as planned. I'm horribly pragmatic and ruin romantic notions of name sharing. Sorry.

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somedude2Oct. 1, 12 7:24 AM

sevnofnyn - not change your name just because you may get divorced. Really? You probably shouldn't get married if you are preparing for divorce.

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sevnofnynOct. 1, 12 9:41 AM

@somedude2, right, many people should probably not get married in the first place, even though they are not planning on divorce, they are probably not planning on what being married is supposed to be about (insert cultural/historical/religious values here).

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