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Appearances kept up for mom's sake.
Don't ever marry, reasoning that this is the best you will get. Don't "settle". You'll regret it the rest of your life.
Never pick a relative to be executor of your will - an impartial professional sees your wishes are carried out.
Since the brother-in-law says that the couple is now "dead to us", I would redo the will, stipulating that upon their death, the couples ashes be deposited in equal parts at the feet of their relatives.
The brother probably is hurt and possibly thinking that the siblings may not care as much about them as their charities. No matter how well off my family is they will recieve something when I pass because I love them and its one last chance to give a gift and show them I care. Talk to them and explain why you did your will the way you did it. Maybe if they understood it wouldnt be so bad.
Why would you want to be with somone who doesnt love you? If theres not spark or chemistry, the best you have is a good friendship and maybe thats whats meant to be with you guys.
Leaving money in your will to charity is a great idea. Just not all of it. You always include family members if not for insurance that your will won't be contested after you die, but for the symbolic value. Sounds like a fairly dysfunctional family if one sibling is mad and "Dead to them" that they aren't in the will, (but no one else is either) and that the writers of the will are so selfish, yes, selfish with their money they don't want their siblings to have any of it, so it will go to charity. The will writers assume one thing. She states she doesn't see the siblings except holidays, yet assumes they are well off. Never, ever assume that.
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