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Um, the fair really is the same thing every year. So there's that. Also, what is it with you and Target? Seriously. Also, Target does run out of things -- it's called the dreaded grey dot. So there's that.
New Ideas for the Minnesota State Fair
To add some new, fun-for-the-whole-family, essence-of -Minnesota features to the Rube Fest, here’s what I suggest. Warning: Anything promoted as, “fun for the whole family,” never is.
1. DNR All State Insect Tent – featuring State Fair hornets, Windom wasps, North Shore noseeums, striped marsh mosquitoes, chiggers, Lake of the Woods deer flies, Boundary Waters black flies and Stearns County deer ticks. Conservation Officer bobblehead dolls are awarded to the hardy folks who stay inside the tent for ten minutes wearing shorts and Ts.
2. MNDOT live exhibit – for no apparent reason, main thoroughfares are suddenly blocked off with those familiar orange cones, barrels and barricades. Confusing detours are created and Fair exits will be closed. Fines will be double for anyone cutting in line while waiting for the watery milk shakes in the Dairy Building.
3. Home video of your day at the Fair – for $45/hour, a professional photographer will follow you around, capturing the food binges, crying kids, bad karaoke performances, ride sickness, arguments over who screwed up when Billy got lost, standing in line for rest rooms and finally, searching for your car. Makes a perfect holiday gift for those out-of-state relatives you don’t like a lot.
4. Sports Parent Booth – staffed by hockey and soccer moms. Parents with children in sports can get tips on ways to get more playing time for your kid, intimidating coaches, harassing officials and creative excuses for not driving the car pool.
5. Hot Dish Booth – prizes awarded to those who can correctly identify all the ingredients.
6. Pin the tail on the donkey – blindfolded kids get a chance to pin a tail on a real, live donkey! Any kid who sticks the pin properly and isn’t kicked through the barn door, wins a stuffed donkey.
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