Couples who argue together stay together

  • Article by: JEFF STRICKLER , Star Tribune
  • Updated: January 28, 2012 - 2:25 PM

Research shows that spouses who wage small fights on a regular basis tend to avoid big blowout disagreements in the long run.

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rosetailJan. 29, 12 4:22 PM

Seems to me constant nitpicking and petty arguing causes a couple to eventually be apprehensive or guarded toward eachother. Keeping an open line of communication is absolutely key but I don't think it has to always come from arguing. Whatever works as long as you have more happy times than confrontational ones.

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dlschlaferJan. 29, 12 6:05 PM

Married 25 years and we almost NEVER argue. Thanks for the "advice", but I think we'll keep doing what we're doing.

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crusadercmhJan. 29, 12 8:57 PM

What a bunch of tripe. The concept of fighting or arguing has NO place in a healthy respectful relationship. Use the communication skills you have or get some to have a GREAT relationship. From a psychologist of 26 years.

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ammunraJan. 30, 12 2:09 AM

To be fair, some people just like to argue. It's not that they're necessarily mad, it's just what they do.

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nomedsJan. 30, 12 6:38 AM

Better yet, can't argue when you aren't married.

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davidjb99Jan. 30, 1211:31 AM

A couple points ... It definitely takes a person of greater character to marry than it takes to stay single and just focus on yourself. If you're going to marry you're going to need to compromise and, in stretches, be the one to really serve the other one. That's the beauty of two people being together, someone to help you up when you are down. Secondly, if you're going to be married well you've got to learn how to do conflict resolution well. Learning to fight fair and not tear the person to shreds during conflict is so vital. There shouldn't be a winner/loser at the end of an argument. The goal is better understanding, resolution and harmony again.

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thehoffersJan. 30, 1212:22 PM

While we've never raised our voices or our tempers with each other in decades of happy marriage, we have had disagreements that we both take as priority issues to solve together. The secret for us is that we are both willing to give what we feel is more than our share to the relationship. The overflow that results is called appreciation. It's a work item, not a battle.

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flashpanhuntJan. 30, 12 1:50 PM

It's not the arguing per se, it's the communication. Sure, arguing is a form of communicating, and can therefor be cited as better than not communicating until it's war. And it is. But it's the communicating, the syncing up of the family network, if you will, that does it..not the arguing.

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beepJan. 30, 12 2:21 PM

I always distinguish between "arguing" and "quarreling". Arguing is healthy, as long as it's done fairly. If not, it becomes toxic and morphs into quarreling.

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philawkerJan. 30, 12 2:40 PM

You all forgot about the best part of healthy arguing - the make-up sex!

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