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My house, my rules, is what should be the rule; a worrying Dad in the middle of the night is not acceptable and the daughter should have enough respect for the Dad to recognize and act upon this, and I also assume he is still 'writing the checks'..end of argument.
Even though I hated hearing this, I do believe in the "while you're under my roof, you abide by my rules" philosophy. I've had the pleasure of being able to say that to my parents lately ("why is this picture crooked, why is this corner slightly dusty, why don't you do X,Y,Z this way?"). But the child will likely never agree 100% with what the parent wants and HAS TO ACCEPT that fact.
It is just plain rude to expect the people who live in the house to be disturbed or wakened in the middle of the night for a guest's convenience. It is likely the residents have to work in the morning. So yes, she is an adult now. But that also makes her a guest, with no household "rights" in her former childhood home and she should act accordingly by keeping reasonable hours.
She has a history of making good decisions and being responsible per her dad. His issue is that he wants to keep her a baby. Perhaps she should call him and let him know that she will be out very late on those times it will occur. Most likely it won't happen - she probably just wants to be acknowledged as an adult.
Let's face it, this Dad is just worried his daughter is having sex. Guess what Dad? She probably is! And she probably is during before 1:00 a.m. too! Let her be the responsible adult you claim she is. So far you seem to have raised a great girl. Let her continue to make decisions on her own. She does while she's away at college every single day -- without your help.
I worry about my adult college kids too. They do what they do when they are at college. But now that they are adults - I think that they need to let even roommates know where they are and when they can be expected to return. This is for safety. When I was a single parent with 3 small kids - I had a deal with another single Mom to let each other know where we were and when we would be back so that if anything happened - there would be someone to help us if we needed it. I ask my kids to tell me where they are and when I can expect them - that way I won't be startled/worried. They ALWAYS text me to let me know (and I do not pass judgment - after all it is safety - not control - I am concerned about) because they know I will worry. Common courtesy.
Technically she's an adult, but at 18 we all had a lot of growing up to do yet. I think Carolyn's advice is good, though. Both Dad and Daughter can compromise a bit.
The people who love you WILL care if you are safe at home at 2am. Roommates and friends won't care what time you get home. Think about what is the most courteous thing to do. Curfew no, notify yes.
Doesn't use alcohol or drugs and drives home sometime between 3am and 6am at night? I'd be far LESS concerned about this girl if she were out drinking (but not driving). Either this girl is sleeping with her boyfriend but knows its innapropriate to "sleep over" (which brings into question her moral aptitude) or she's a stripper. Sorry Dad, you've got bigger problems than a curfew.
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