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I believe it was better for him to find out from his sister than a stranger and for the wife to ask her not to tell was wrong. His wife was wrong on so many levels she is lucky he forgave her in the first place. The sister did give her an option she didn't take so I commend her for her honesty to her brother.
I agree 100% with Babrbaraj77. The wife was in the wrong to expect her sister in law to withold the information. The day would come, the brother would eventually find out, then hold it against his own sister for not telling him. Its great he decided to give his wife a second chance, but the wife should hold no grudge against the sister in law. Id look at it from the point, I dont have to hide this any longer, and be grateful Ive been given another chance. Perhaps having this out in the open, the couple can go forward knowing what mistakes were made, and work towards better communication to keep the marriage on track.
I think the sister-in-law (and brother) probably feels ashamed. The letter writer is most likely the only one who knows about the affair, and the sister-in-law probably feels like she's judging her, so she avoids her.
Hubby is a bigger man than I. Forgiveness would have come eventually, but not until long after the divorce was finalized.
In regard to "stpaula" bringing up the embarrassment the wife may feel. I had the experience of a son in law that stole my unused wedding ring set, to pawn them off. He also did not want to face the family. Hed bring my daughter by, but wouldnt come in the house. I told my daughter to tell him to come in, nothing would be said by anyone to make him anymore uncomfortable. The longer he stayed outside the family, the harder it would be to re-enter the fold. He came in, we hugged, and that was the end of that. It took a LONG time to learn to trust him again, but he knew he was part of the family, and most importantly, forgiven. We arent perfect, we all make mistakes. Families forgiving each other is important for all to learn from. Im not saying there arent some serious problems that cant be forgiven. But infidelity can be,IF there are strong feelings left both parties can learn from it, and TRY to change their relationship. It takes two to make or break a marriage! There is generally problems that cause partners to go astray. Deal with them. If you cant do what it takes, then let it go.
When someone in the family is hurting someone else in the family, there is a moral mandate to do what is necessary to make it stop. If actions that are taken are offensive to some, so be it. Families are places where anything and everything can be on the table, and everyone grows from it. Mamby-pamby games? No place for them.
Drop them both! She is wrong and paying the price to some degree, as he has forgiven her (dumb). Can't go back and trying just delays the inevitable split for there will always be distrust.
Given time the sister in law will step out again. The brother is being a fool. You are blood and will just have to wait for it all to fall apart on him then just be there to help him pick up the pieces.
Yep, the reason why the brother's wife won't come around is guilt. As far as I'm concerned, she should still feel guilty. I am surprised why anyone would take someone back that cheated on them. After all, if you do it once, it's only easier to do it in the future.
Poor guy, he probably deserves better.
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