She can't get used to his porn habit

  • Article by: CAROLYN HAX
  • Updated: October 17, 2010 - 3:23 PM
  • 34
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samo45Oct. 17, 10 8:35 PM

Not to say counseling isn't useful. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't. This kind of problem seems common. Married people get tired of each other after many years, but I don't know if anyone (including counselors) has come up with a good solution. I know one counselor who had been married five times, so I'm not sure their solutions would be any better than those of the average Joe or Josie. For that matter, I'm not sure that Americans even agree about what marriage is supposed to be for or about, which might be a big part of the problem. Things were a lot simpler when people married because it was an economic necessity.

handsomewarOct. 17, 10 9:28 PM

Of course, like every relationship problem, this is all the man's fault, but for the sake of novelty she should try not being an unpleasant nag for a while. He just might stop disliking being near her.

steveinvaOct. 17, 10 9:42 PM

But it's ok for women to go to the adult shop for her & buy a personal massage devise. Quit nagging. Quit eating. Go to the gym. Or divorce him & free him from the misery of being with you.

shadowdancinOct. 17, 1010:44 PM

If you do not like his behavior - pack your bags and leave. No one is forcing you to stay with him, perhaps both of you would be happier.

nasethOct. 18, 10 5:44 AM

But why are the teen sites "particularly reprehensible?" Is not 18 the age of adulthood? 18 is still "teen," right? Sounds to me like this writer is jealous of her past youth...

nasethOct. 18, 10 5:47 AM

But plenty of couples with healthy relationships use porn as part of their sex lives. This also sounds like the woman writing in has self-esteem issues.

barbaraj77Oct. 18, 10 6:20 AM

Woman to woman stop nagging that turns a man off completely and now he feels he needs to go to other alternatives to satisfy his needs. Surprise him with romance and see if that helps spice things up between the two of you instead of him needing to go to hard core porn sites. The man is not the only one responsible for what happens in the bedroom but a woman can either make it or break it in there as well. As a marriage/relationship goes on sometimes with our daily life schedules we miss the mark because we are so busy doing other things life requires. As a man gets older he needs to know he can still turn a womans head and she desires him as much as she did when he was younger. Instead of mocking him check which sites he is looking at and then ask to view them with him at least you know what he is needing in the bedroom so he can let go of his porn sites and focus on what the two of you have instead. If any of those alternatives don't work then you two need to look into counseling!

fidelcastroOct. 18, 10 6:24 AM

if the wife makes it a big hassle every time he wants some, eventually he just takes the easy way out, porno and self gratification. and carolyn, making fun of him ( 'he is barely a man' ) doesn't solve anything and probably makes the problem worse. he is obviously 'in the mood' he just isn't in the mood with her. i suppose asking her to consider her own actions - or lack of - if she wants to change things, she has the power. if she was putting some effort into the romance dept, he wouldn't be interested in cyber sex. obviously he gets more fun/satisfaction/stimulation online than he gets from this nag- or he wouldn't be doing it...duh

greatcommentOct. 18, 10 7:59 AM

My Suggestion: Get a Filter to block that garbage. You never know: Without the Filter, he might invite a "virus" into the home!

momof4wiOct. 18, 10 8:22 AM

As disgusting as it may seem to some women that our men watch this stuff, it can be a vehicle in which to spice up a relationship, or marriage. IF we allow ourselves to get past the "porn", and look at it as a learning tool to keep our sex lives alive,and exciting, it becomes a whole different experience. No man expects us to perform things we feel unacceptable, but, at least be willing to TRY various things, then decide. Afterwards, talk about those that are acceptable, awkward, and pleasurable,or very uncomfortable, and embarrassing to perform. If you want to please your man, and for him to please you, you have to at least be willing to experiment. As one commenter said, men are VERY visual, if lingerie is their thing, try it. Go together at first, to pick those things that he finds exciting. Later on, you may decide to buy your own. Very possibly he is watching porn, looking for ways for the two of you to enjoy sex more. Remember there is no right, or wrong in sexual behavior, IF the couple is accepting of the experiences. If one partner finds certain things unacceptable, then those are wrong, and should not be performed. Just because something seems disgusting,gross, embarrassing, or too far fetched, to be enjoyable, doesnt mean at some point, it couldnt turn into pleasureable experiences. The key, is to open up your mind to experiment. You may just find you have a fantastic lover, and wonder, how you ever accepted just the "norm".


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